How Come Every Modality Promises It Is THE Answer?
Why it's a false promise and what to focus on instead
A big mistake, made by both practitioners and those seeking help, is to fixate on the modality or type of therapy.
To do so is to get overly interested in the mode of transport rather than the destination itself.
There are lots of therapies out there. Hundreds, in fact.
Let’s say you’re a practitioner and there’s a client or two you’re struggling with. You go and talk to other practitioners and ask: “How do I get the kind of results here that I’m getting with others?”
And someone will say, “Oh, I used to have that problem too. I started using this approach, and it’s really helped.” And they’ll name a therapy model.
It works the same way for your own personal development. You’re reading, listening to podcasts, talking to people, and someone says, “I had that problem too, and the thing that worked for me was…” And they also name a therapy model.
So whether you’re looking at this for yourself or to become a more effective practitioner, you’re facing the same situation: people tell you that the answer is this particular mode of transport.
Here’s why this is the wrong way to think about it.
Let’s say you’ve always wanted to go to London. You’ve never been, you’ve tried different ways of getting there, but you’ve never made it.
Then you meet someone who says, “I had a lovely weekend, I’ve just been to London.”
So you say, “Wow, I’ve always wanted to go to London. I’ve never figured out how to get there.”
And they say, “Well, let me sort that out for you. I got the train!”
Brilliant. The train is the answer.
So you go to a railway station, you see a train, and you think: woohoo, London here I come!
You jump on the train - and you end up in Aberdeen.
What on Earth happened?
You jumped on a train - the thing they said was the answer.
But it turns out that the driver was going to a completely different destination.
By fixating on the mode of transport, you missed that the more important thing was where it was headed.
Someone successfully got to London by taking the train. So, understandably, you think the train is the answer. Just as we think a particular therapy approach is the answer.
But what makes the difference isn’t the train itself. But whether it is driven in such a way that it ends up in London.
The important thing isn’t the mode of transport. It’s where that mode of transport is headed.
Because whatever therapy approach you use, it’s pointless if it doesn’t take you to the destination you need.
A former therapy teacher used to say to me that therapy is a process, not an event. A journey, not a destination.
This is wrong.
Transformational therapy is not just a journey or a process. It must arrive at a specific destination and so trigger an event.
For any change that involves updating emotional learning, that event is memory reconsolidation. It is the only known brain mechanism capable of functionally erasing old emotional learnings that hold us back.
If you ever learn a new therapy model, they’ll likely tell you that this modality is THE way to do it. Forget everything else.
It’s like how trainspotters say it’s all about trains, and car enthusiasts say the car is where it’s at.
But like the journey to London that ended in Aberdeen, it’s the wrong focus. Worse, it assumes that other modalities couldn’t possibly get you there. This limits your therapeutic agility and freedom.
It promises potency. But not only does it fail to deliver, it also restricts your confidence in the approaches you already know.
Inside the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy, this preoccupation with modalities is replaced by an emphasis on what the brain needs from your sessions to trigger transformational change.
It casts off the idea that this or that approach is the only way. There are many ways. A relentless focus on getting to the right destination is what gets you there - however you travel.
If you’d like to master how to get consistent client transformations for your clients, find out more about the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy here.